An Officiants Thoughts About the Perfect Wedding
-By Lee
February 13th 2009
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When I had the pleasure of working with the Bride Access team my favorite quote from the show was “your day – your way” because it expresses very concisely what I believe the officiants or ministers role should be… to create a ceremony that is a reflection of the bride and groom.
In my experience the most important part of the wedding is the moment during the ceremony when a couple looks into each other’s eyes and expresses their commitment to one another. With the celebrated expression of the love that brought them together, it is at the moment the couple sets the stage for a lifetime of enduring love.
When I consult with a couple about their wedding, I encourage them to choose those thoughts, words and beliefs that have deep personal meaning to them. It is my intention to support the couples vision, I encourage extraordinary in their expression of their love.
My recommendation to any couple as you choose a minister or officiant in a non denominational setting would be to figure out what kind of meaning and impact you want for your ceremony and then find the officiant that fits that vision. A couple can spend anywhere from $10,000 to $50,000 or more on a wedding event and completely miss the point of the day, the ceremony, which is truly more than words read from a book. 10 years from now, your guests may vaguely remember the dress, the flowers, the decorations, or the food. But if they walk away from you wedding with an emotional memory, years from now when they think of that day, they will remember how they felt and the picture will just fill in. Research reflects that if you can create a powerful emotional experience tied to an event, the memory of that event will last a life time. When we focus the event on the bride and groom, the bigger the emotional impact the grander the impact on the couple will be.
Often a couple will come to my office and reflect that in their search for an Officiant they were most concerned about price, because aren’t all ceremonies the same, doesn’t the minister just show up and read the ceremony, which is often the experience in a religious setting where there are specific words or traditions that must take place. The couples experience has often come from ceremonies they have attended or information handed them by a friend. Or they are concerned that the ceremony will “feel” like something they had attended before and didn’t like. Not all officiants or ceremonies are the same. In a non denominational setting the bride and groom have the flexibility to create the moment as they wish and use words that they feel strongly about. I would recommend that you search and sit down with and officiant not based on price, rather on connection and feel. You want to get what you pay for, get the most bang for your buck so to speak. Find an officiant who will sit down with you and get to know you, find out your back ground, discuss with you what you want to express to the world on the day of your wedding. Find an officiant who will give you a template for the ceremony, who offers suggestions and can give you samples of other ceremonies that they have performed. Look for an officiant who brings other elements into the ceremony which compliment the service and create and emotional impact. Remember, the bigger the emotional impact the greater the memory.
In the end, the officiant’s role is to create a moment, an experience and a space where from the time the processional starts and the recessional ends that he or she manages all aspects of the event. A couple standing there facing each other as they prepare to say their vows is truly in a heightened state of consciousness. With that in mind the officiant’s role is to gently direct the couple from beginning to end and support the ceremony so that the couple can just be present with no worries about anything but their beloved who stands with them. Realistically there is no perfect wedding. Hopefully there is an exquisite emotional moment in time, which will then create the illusion of a perfect wedding. Find a good fit in your officiant and the rest will just happen.
Minister Lee @ ministerlee.com
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