Learning to Appreciate Your New In-Laws
-By LatterDayBride
May 4th 2009
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Like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, we’ve all had a nightmare or two about having the in-laws from… well, you get the picture. But even if your in-laws are a little on the strange side, you can still develop a great relationship with them if you put some effort into it. It’s worth it. After all, they are going to be around for awhile.
Here are some helpful hints to remember as you and your spouse decide how to handle the in-laws:
• Have a unified front. You’re a family now, so you should say, “It was our decision.” Otherwise, you force parents to pick sides.
• Remember your spouse’s family is not your family. They have different values and different ways of doing things. If you keep an open mind about this, many disagreements can be avoided.
• Communicate openly with both sets of parents. For example, if your husband’s parents invite you over and you already have plans with your parents, just explain and make plans right then to see them soon. This will smooth things over and show your in-laws you do want to spend time with them.
The next step in the process is actually establishing a strong bond with your in-laws. Start by searching for things you and your in-laws have in common: boating, tennis, opera, etc. Plan activities around common interests in order to create a pleasant environment where all family members will be included. This will foster great discussion and maybe even allow you to see a side of your in-laws that you didn’t see before.
Holiday Traditions
Personality differences aren’t the only hurdles to cross in your relationship with your new in-laws. Every family has their own traditions, so the possibilities for you and your new spouse to join in the fun of every holiday suddenly doubles once the wedding bells stop ringing. Being fair and equal to both sets of in-laws can be tricky.
When planning whether you’ll go to his or her parents’ house for a holiday, consider the first tip by having a unified front. Explain to both sets of parents you are your own family now and decisions need to be made based on what’s best for you and your new spouse. Whether it’s a shortage of funds or a crazy work schedule, your only loyalty is to your new spouse.
But, when your holidays are wide open and when money is not an issue, there are several ways to divide the time you spend with each family during the holidays. Try the “every other” technique: one Christmas at his house, the next Christmas at her house. Feelings may still be hurt, but keeping open communication about how hard you are trying to be fair will smooth over any rough spots of emotion.
Perhaps both sets of in-laws live close to you and your spouse. In this case, you are lucky enough to be able to spend time with both families during the holidays. Remember to continue to remain equal and fair to both sides of the families. Don’t spend all Christmas day with one family and then leave only a couple of hours to spend with the other family. Just remember to keep an open air of communication and to make your best efforts to be equitable to both sets. Your sincerity will shine through and your holidays — and your in-laws — will be a joy.
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