The Other Big Day….The day after your wedding is just as important
-By LatterDayBride
June 1st 2009
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It’s easy to think of your wedding day as the biggest day of your life. So many life-long expectations, dreams and aspirations are finally coming true. Making the day “perfect” is often seen as the ultimate goal. However, desiring too much to be the center of attention, or on having the perfect party, can distract from the true purpose, which is this new eternal union. Keeping your perspective may require you to also plan for the day after the wedding.
If you are like most Brides, your to-do lists seem to grow longer instead of shorter. Preparing so many details that have to work out just right takes up great time and energy: the invitations, music, food, guests, flowers, pictures, dresses, hair styling, groomsmen and maids-of-honor (and their clothing), make-up, timing, the photographer…well, the list could go on and on. It is, after all, a day that has been dreamed of or down-right planned for years in advance.
Amidst all the hoopla, comes amazing stress as the details of the “BIG EVENT” take over. It’s not uncommon for the stress to cause hurt feelings when things don’t quite work as anticipated. Often the bride-to-be feels so overwhelmed and busy that she forgets to “check in” and see how others are feeling—her fiancée included. As you plan your wedding day, strive for patience and concern for others, so you don’t have to plan on repairing relationships in the days following the wedding.
Most importantly though, as to-do lists begin to resemble the sizes of phone books or lengthy novels, it’s important couples don’t forget to plan how they will have a successful, happy eternal marriage. Fiancés should use the time before their wedding day to make sure their expectations of each other are clearly defined. As the celebrations fade and the challenges arise, what do you anticipate in terms of communication, finances, making mutual decisions, spiritual beliefs and emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy?
These plans supersede those of any celebration. For the success and longevity of a thriving and loving marriage, how important is the actual wedding day…really? President Spencer W. Kimball answers this question with great clarity and wisdom. He was once interviewing a young man returning from his mission and asked him what he was looking forward to the most when he got home. The young man answered, “I’ve been praying to marry the one I love.” Clearly this returning missionary had a girl back home with whom he was deeply in love and had planned on getting married.
President Kimball’s loving and wise response to this young man (and to all of us) was: “Don’t pray to marry the one you love, but pray to love the one you marry.” It’s not that the young man’s prayer was wrong, by any means, but that his prayer would be answered the day he got married, and the days thereafter.
It is the month or the year after the wedding, when those rose-colored glasses are gone, that we truly learn to love. It is the morning when we wake up to a crying baby after sleeping only two hours that we make a marriage union real. It is when you don’t really feel loving, but choose to act loving towards your new spouse that a marriage is truly born … not the wedding day or the honeymoon afterwards.
Praying continuously for an increase of love towards our spouse throughout our lifetime and acting upon those promptings is the real recipe for success. It is in the daily effort of thinking and praying about improving our spouse’s life that true love is found and grows.
So, it is true that the day of our wedding is a milestone in our eternal progression, a great day to celebrate with family and friends our eternal union. However, the greatest days start after the wedding day and continue for the remainder of our lives with daily, weekly, monthly and yearly deposits of loving prayers and actions.
With over 20 years of experience, Dr. Elia Gourgouris is a nationally known speaker, relationship coach, and the president of LDSCoaching.com. He holds a degree from UCLA and a Ph.D. in psychology. Dr. Gourgouris is the featured speaker on the CD “D.T.R.: What You Should Know Before You Get Married” and “The Multi-Platinum Marriage: Going from Surviving to Thriving!” He also runs a relationship advice column with an LDS perspective, www.AskDrElia.com.
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