Plan with Purpose
-By LatterDayBride
June 3rd 2009
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You are about to plan one of the biggest, most spectacular, momentous and probably one of the most expensive events of your life – Your wedding. This is the time – the perfect opportunity – to establish good and healthy financial attitudes. Too often, couples don’t actually plan for their financial future or even share a conversation regarding their finances. Starting now, while you’re planning your wedding details, will bring insight into your strengths, your weaknesses and above all set the stage for a successful financial future.
While planning your wedding, engaged couples have the great opportunity to learn some basic budgeting skills as well as (and most importantly) how to communicate with each other over fiscal matters. Perhaps your family is assisting you with the cost of your wedding. Maybe they are paying for all of it. Or perhaps you and your fiancé are completely responsible for the entire cost of the wedding.
Regardless of your situation, open communication about your big day is a great opportunity to begin talking with your soon-to-be spouse regarding essential fiscal topics. Establish the pattern now on how to communicate with each other regarding the issues of money, so your marriage begins, right from the start, to overcome one of the toughest obstacles most married couples face.
Not sure how to start or even tackle such a tricky conversation? Here are seven tips and ideas to get you going…
1. This conversation can be tough and even fuel some (ok lots) of frustration. Start off talking about what you agree on instead of what you disagree. In other words, find your common ground by creating goals together. Since you are planning for your wedding, talk about how both of you envision the big day. Share your thoughts and expectations. Then write them down. This way, if frustration does ever enter into the conversation, you can go back to your common ground and remind yourselves of what you DO agree on and what is most important.
2. After you establish your goals and have talked together on how you envision your event, set your budget together. Maybe funds are tight, unlimited or probably somewhere in between. Remember, regardless of your situation, establishing a budget together is important, because you are not only planning for your wedding, but you are beginning to establish patterns – crucial, critical patterns — for your life together. Remember, the day belongs to both of you, so make sure you are both in agreement.
3. Ok, once your budget is set, simply add up the anticipated costs of the day and add or subtract items based on your budget. This sounds like complete common sense, but you would be amazed at how uncommon it is for many marriages and how many lack the sense or discipline to live by it.
4. Once you have created your budget together, communicate with your family if they are helping to cover the costs and work with them to revise your budget to make sure it also fits their expectations. Again, even if funds are tight or you have been provided with a blank check, your family is going to appreciate the communication with them. They will also probably be quite impressed you and your fiancé have been able to even talk about and set a budget. This is a great tip to use, especially if you or your fiancé are having trouble adjusting to each other’s family and feeling accepted into your new family.
5. As in normal life, live by this rule in planning your wedding, AVOID DEBT! Why start your marriage off in the hole? No amount of flowers or dresses is worth it. In the end, by you and your spouse working together to create an event that fits your budget, you will have a relationship that has strengthened itself even before you tie the knot and that will carry with you much longer than any excess pageantry funded by debt.
6. Be creative. Not only can this save money, but it can give your wedding a style uniquely yours, especially when you tie the creative to the sentimental. Many people view budgets as restrictive, but in actuality, setting some limits pushes you to use your imagination to find creative ideas and solutions.
7. And finally, keep in mind this is the start of your marriage together. Your wedding should be viewed as a gateway and a beginning. Have your day reflect your values and goals as a couple, which now includes your financial responsibility and not simply an all out bash to celebrate the end of single life.
Remember, even if your wedding didn’t exactly fit within the budget you and your fiancé outlined or you experienced some unexpected costs (as tends to happen in most wedding planning). Or perhaps the way you outlined your budget simply did not work — don’t get discouraged! The most important aspect is you and your spouse had a positive conversation about the topic, you identified goals together and both of you have shown you are willing to work together on these issues.
How you handle your family finances will change and continue to change throughout your marriage as your own needs and family changes. But you know you started ahead of the game by having a positive practice run while planning for your wedding. Don’t forget, if the communication can take place between you and your fiancé, the two of you will find a way to make your finances work both for your big day and for the rest of your life together.
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